The Lugan Epididymus, Alove story (weaboos beware)
by The Demicky Fellow
Summary: (warning: anime cliches, bad spelling, absolute nonsense and wapanese await) Orangesaft was just a normal high school kid in highschool high. His muse to keep going every day was his Kawaii Senpai, Ingebord. so to win over her affection, he hand made her favourite thing, Red Felt. but then Chad, the Lugan Epididymus stole it.
1. Chapter 1 Gunpowder Gelatine

**Disclaimer: this story is a parody of anime cliches, bad spelling, wapanese and other nonsense. if this story offends you in any way, i am not responsible. Read at own risk.**

Today was gonna be a sugoi day. today was the day senpai would notice me today. i got her favourite thing, red felt. i wrapped it up with a crimson bow and oakflesh. there was a tag that read "From orangesaft-kohai" Just as i was placing it on her desk, i heard a pterodactyl noise and a mathematical sob coming from the hallway. i was investigate. i saw my senpai, Ingebord face down on the ground in some red liquid. she got up and said "mmm!" It was lingonberry jam. I inquired what had happened. i didn't hear what she said. i was in shock that senpai noticed me today. Its not like i like her or anything b-baka. aware of my negligence, senpai ran it by me again.

"Chad the Lugan epididymus came out of nowhere and started fucking the vending machine and started sobbing because their love was forbidden."

"then why were you face down in lingonberry jam?" i Inquired.

"thats my buisness you little shit" senpai said. senpai is so saucy~ w we went back to her class room and she noticed the present on the desk. she was investigate. it had a tag that read "From orangesaft-Kohai" she opened it and pulled out the contents with great vigor. the red felt i had packed for her with great care.

"OMG Orangesaft-kun, this is great gift!" she exclaired. and then, i shit you not, my kawaii sempai kissed me on my lipps. then i emitted sticky white fluid from the tip of my dipstick. I am so fucking glad sempai didnt notice that. senpai is pretty pretty oblivious though. I mean, it took her THIS long to notice me.

"you know, you can call me inge :)" she said with an emoticon.

"You can call me Orange for short" i responded.

"this is like the best gift ever" she said clutching the felt. Just then, chad burst through the window and lunged at Inge. (no not sempai T_T)

"cirbaf eht em evig!" chad ejaculated.

What? Inge and i said confused in unison.

"Oh i am appologize. me let re say it. Give me the fabric!" Chad sounded.

"no" sempai and i procured in unison.

He exclaim-ed "I NEED THE FABRIC TO TRANSMUTE was upset by this. he wasn't sure how we could keep speaking in unison. this also upset him because he knew we were in love. an unforbidden love. on which he wished to have with his vending-machine Chan. i knew he was thinking about dirty things because he blushed and his mother's spaghetti came out of his pockets which doesn't make sense cuz he's and epididymus that doesnt where clothes and also would have no need for spaghetti.

Senpai and i said in unison. "what for in meaning to be "transmutation"?"

"i need to make an exception in the laws of forbidden love for vending machine chan and i so it is un-forbidden."

"you know i can get you a peice of red felt from the store. i kinda made that one by hand for Inge-chan" i said

he said no, stole the fabric and ran away. this war meant.


	2. Chapter half Dynamite with a laser beam

So after war was meant, Inge-chan and i constituted ourselves for battle but just as we were gonna leave, Harold, my faggot senpai showed up and stopped us. i use senpai because he's the same grade as inge which is higher than mine.

"what is you doins well with strongs?" Harold snaked.

"hey harold…" Inge and i said with a groan. you see, harold likes cock. specifically, he wants mine. I have no problem with gay but harold is a massive cock hound. he's also jealous of Inge for having my affection.

"what are YOU two doing with eachother? Orange-kun should be with me and my kokoro."

"i feel extremely uncomfortable right now, like you can not believe." i say. then i splashed holy water on him and it burned him. Oh, this isn't because the bible says stuff about gays, Harold's a satanist. Then we got outa there. somehow Harold found us.

"you know, Chad hired me to harm your sugoi affection. i am one of his generals to combat you to keep you from fighting him as he unforbidifies his affection for vending machine and i can have you he says i can." he declaimed.

I just kinda instinct-ed and kicked him in the balls. he groaned in pain, started fading away and disappeared. A text flashed in front of me that said "EXP 50" then it said "level up" Weirdest shit ever. but i got another kiss from Inge-chan and i felt pretty kawaii. then i emited white fluid. I was also arrigato-ful for Harold disappearing. then my dreams were shattered. Harold reappeared.

"miss me big boy?" he said in a creepy voice. so i stabbed him 37 times in the chest. today was a good day. as his corpse lay limp on the ground, a portal to hell appeared. it was like a bad lsd trip. a demon came out of it. he said his name was lucifer but we could call him lucy for short.

"Chad is in Moe-burg and this is my new slam-peice." was all he said as he walked back into the portal. it disappeared. i missed lucy. he was a bro. his life is bro. so we were to goto Moe-burg to defeat the evil chad and restore life to the land. I looked at inge to find that she had her face in a bowl of lingonberry jam.

"w-what are you doing?"

"thats my business you little shit." senpai is still saucy.

"hey inge-chan, what do you think about what happened today?"

"i'm glad i don't have romantic competition i-"

My fuckin face lit up when she said that.

"its not like i like you or anything b-baka." inge said.

Will we ever defeat the evil buu? find out next time on dragon ball z!


	3. Chapter π: Garrunteed to blow your mind

_In loving memory…_

_Vlad Tepig 3088-1200 _

_"these pistashios taste delicious."_

So after a tip from a shopkeeper, we decided to stop in candyland to harness the power of Selsun Blue, an ancient and powerful ability to make someone urinate chamomile tea and have uncontrollable urges to fornicate with hippopotumi. Inge and Iwould use this power on chad to make vending machine think he was cheating on her. we asked around in candyland as whom would know the ability of selsun blue. i went to inge to ask if she has had luck only to find her face in a bowl of lingon berry jam. before i could even utter a sound she told me that that was her business and called me a little shit. yet again, senpai is a saucy. A man in a hood approached us and said:

"So you want the zibba wobbable power of the selsun blue?"

Saucy senpai retorts with "why would you want to know you little shit?"

The man says "zibbity that girl is saucy. wibbobity lobbitle sobittle"

"What?" I was confused at the man's erratic use of unfunny unneeded sylabbyles like he was an old african american man desparate for laughs.

"dibblety doo zibblewayobbity snoosnoo wingdogitty liberty prime wiberty quibery" the man's language became erratic and an purple aura emenated from him. the air tasted like purple drAAAAAnk.

"you'll zippopity regret the bow zippidy lust for the power of selsun blue!"

he pulled of his cloak/ hood and revealed his true identity.

"Bill Cosby" senpai uttered."we should've known!"

Bill cosby started,

"Chad had the zingo intellect to bizobbly hire me to stibbity stop you from obbity-taining the power of selsun blue. you cannot control it pribbity propperly as you-itty can not be tribbity trusted."

"we have the true ability to be using in the power of SELSUNBLUE in the being used against true evil underlingness." i exclaired.

battle was meant. i charged up my abilty that i obtained in the episode that was censored in America. I charged my Nad-Kicking ability and my stabbing ability and i becime real super sand.

"You am no super sand" The Cosby said

I realized that the super sand that i had collected was fake for it was made in chine. but super sand am not something held. it are something feeled.

"I shall show you the power of Selsun blue!" The cosby emitted

this was the word to be used in somoning the power.

"SPAALOW BABUGUUSCOOTIES!" tHE COSBY EXPELLED.

his hands glow-ed yellow and he shot a beam. luckily i was avoided it. but inge was not lucky.

"NOOOOOOO" i was heatboken. then Inge started dry humping me. I forgot my surrogate mother was part hippo. our affection was safe.

"it was backfire-ed" i shot at the cosby

"Damn-itty you Khan bloobity" the cosby was cursing my surrogate mother's name.

I Ran at the cosby and used my nad kicking ability and stabbed him in the forehead. he lay limp on the ground. "100 exp" flashed in front of my face and i leveled up once more. inge kissed me and i emitted a white fluid from my dipstick again.

"we has the power to ruin Chad!"

then the cosby's corpse glowed and started was in the air for a bit, floated back to the ground and grabbed his cloak and sheltered himslef.

the first thing heard was "-Izzle"

"it Cannot be!" Inge- chan exasperated.

"it is mezzle, Snoop Dizzle" the former cosby said.

"SNOOP DOG!" i was shocked.

"i has the power of izzle. anything i say with -izzle in it happens!"

"no" inge chan and i say in unison

"newspaper ignizzle!"

we were fighting on top of newspapers the entire time, so pain was i our future. then we got off of being on top of them. the snoop dog was still on top of them and burnt to death. his last words were "live-izzle" but it didnt work.

Dear mother, today was a sugoi day. we defeated snoop dog/cosby got the power of selsun blue and arte one step closer to beating chad desu~

Love, Orangesaft Columbine


	4. Chapter 6 over 1 point 5 :ANYTIME!

So we was doing a travel to moeburg. with the grand power of selsun blue harnessed in our hands and souls. we were walking down a cool desert highway, with the cool wind flowing through our warm smell of colitas were rising through the air. we saw a light ahaed and we were feeling sleepy so we had to stop for the night. we found a hotel with a figure in the doorway. it was Gerome, my fourth senpai. (inge, chad, harold and gerome are the only people in their class) gerome was a transfer student from america. he was real gangsta.

He said "the fuck you honkys doin' in the god damned desert? y'all must be tired and thursty as hell." Gerome was an african american gent. he may sound like a stereotype but he's actually intelligent and hates grape soda.

"so why was y'all in the desert?" he inquired.

"we are in needing to locate chad in moeburg for being stealing" i said

"sounds like heavy shit, i never really like chad either. he always creeped me out, but to do this is weird. i'll help you guys out. in the morn, ill give you what y'all need." Gerome was a helpful person who was nice. but i didn't like the way he looked at inge-chan. he might harm our moe love. so we was doing a going to bed. gerome to his room. he invited inge but she said no. we shared a room, inge and i. we did a fall asleep. i was awoken by an loud noise. it was inge telling me that it was her business and called me a little shit. she had her face in lingonberry jam. i dont even know what the fuck is happening anymore. i wasn't even conscious. before i could present a rebbuttal, i heard a a song about crocadiles and alligators and i was investigate. will smith was in the hallway writhing and yelling. but it was actually gerome.

i said "gerome, is that you?

he responded "is actually dolan"

"we should've known" inge chan said. where did inge come from? anyway, former gerome looked up but it wasn't his face. it was that of messed up donald duck. we heard a mathematical laugh and the shadow of an epididymus with a cape slowly descending.

"chad, we should've known." inge said. again

"you know you don't have to say that everytime an enemy appears." i said. but sempai ignored my comment and charged at chad with a shovel. don't ask where she got it. chad was still to high so she missed.

"i am to stop you with majik." chad says. (majik is the same thing is magic except made in chine.)

"why'd gerome get turned into, uh… dolan." i said in unison with inge. weird shit happens.

"i didn't like how he'd call me a honky. im not even human." chad said in anger due to unison saying. " so i used the power of pantene to turn him into something else. kthnxbai." and he ran away.

"gooby pls" dolan said. this confused me. how'd he know who gooby was? he's just a nerd from baka-ville. we was also angry that chad ran away. but there were other things at hand. like turning gerome back to normalcy.

"fak u gooby." gerome yelled. i'm not sure whats going on anymore.

"say pantene backwards" inge said.

"enetnap!" i said, but i was impatient so i stabbed him. he turned back to normal but he was bleeding. we took him to hospital and he was in STAB-le condition.

"im never hangining with you honkys again. i'm never coming to japan again" gerome said.

"shut up gerome" and we all laughed to our content. it was good day. and we were closer to moeburg. everything was alright to be


End file.
